What I Don't Know...

...or, what I wish I knew aged 16

Last week, I had the opportunity to go back to my old school and speak to a hall full of 16/17-year-olds. I focused my talk on my favourite topic - "What I Don't Know" - and the exciting things that can happen when you explore, with curiosity, all the things you don't know. 

Here is a summary of the talk I gave:

If you'd have asked me at 16 almost any question about the future, my future, my default answer would have been "I don't know". 

As I finished 6th form, I faced the obvious question - what did I want to do?

I didn't know.

If I'm being honest, even if you ask me now, the answer will often be "I don't know".

But in the past, I would have been ashamed of that answer. Sometimes, it was a default response to a question I didn't want to answer, but it was often the truth. I didn't know.

Even if that was the case and I was telling the truth, sometimes I felt pressured to make the right choices. There was pressure to figure out what I enjoyed and wanted to do.

It doesn't matter what stage you are in life; you will always feel as though you should have more figured out than you do. But there is a lot I still don't know. As far as I can tell, that never changes.

There's a bit of a stigma about saying I don't know, and it's being removed from many people's vocabulary. Politicians are often asked questions that they quite clearly have no answer to. But, instead of the embarrassment of admitting that they don't know, they make up answers or try to avoid the question by answering an entirely different question.

But today, I want to champion those three words— '“I don't know.” Used rightly, they can be among the most powerful and exhilarating words you'll ever say.

When we admit 'I don't know,' we're not confessing weakness; we're opening a door. Behind that door lies the vast landscape of possibility, learning, and growth.

In the image above (credit Tim Urban), the black lines to the left represent life paths that we could have taken but are now closed. Different schools you could have gone to, relationships or friendships you could have prioritised. The green lines and forward-looking ones represent the life paths open to you.

We worry (I certainly do as someone in my early 30s) about the black lines. What if I'd done this or taken that decision? What might have happened? Of course, the answer is, I'll never know. 

We need to remember that everything to the right is all in our hands. There is an immeasurable number of things that can happen in our lives. When we recognise that and are excited and optimistic about that fact, take specific actions to harness that positivity; that's where the fun can begin.

This is the first real example of why not knowing can be exciting.

We have no idea what the future might look like, and all these different paths are open to us. Being excited and optimistic about the future is a big unlock and differentiator to have versus someone who is more pessimistic about the future.  

Decisions

Decisions are at the heart of every path we take. If you're anything like me, you'll make mistakes. You'll occasionally make the right call for the completely wrong reason. But that's not the point. The point is to be active in your process.

Life has a way of pulling us in different directions. You'll find currents of influence everywhere – from peers, family, and society. They're not always wrong and typically well-intended, but they shouldn't be the only navigators of your journey.

Consider university, travelling, or any life path. It's not about the course itself but the intent behind choosing it. You should be the driving force. Because if you're not, you might look back and wonder how you ended up somewhere you never consciously aimed for.

During the recent lockdown, we had more time for reflection. I recognised that parts of my past were more about going with the flow than making deliberate choices. And while it led me somewhere decent, I honestly spend a lot of time thinking about those black lines, and I think that's because I wasn't active enough at some of those decision points.

So, stay active in your decisions. Making them gives you a sense of agency. And when you're engaged in charting your course, you're better equipped to pivot if things don't align with your vision. 

Take a moment to think: What's one 'black line' you often think about? What's a 'green line' you're excited to explore?

Be Lucky

One guiding principle that I now use when making decisions is to be lucky.

How can you possibly make yourself lucky, you ask? Maybe you can't, but what you can do is make decisions that make it more likely that you will be lucky. 

There is this concept called the luck surface area. Your luck surface area is the likelihood of something lucky happening to you. Certain decisions increase your luck surface area, and certain decisions reduce it.

For example, if you are a good writer, you are way more likely to get "lucky" if you publish a piece of writing (put it on the internet) versus leaving it in your notebook for no one to see. You are way more likely to get lucky if you embrace saying yes to opportunities and trying lots of new things than staying in your lane and keeping your head under the parapet.

How do these two things relate to saying, “I don't know?”

We agree that the future is uncertain. We don't know what's going to happen, so proactively making decisions and trying new things out - whilst making those decisions that give ourselves the highest chance of being lucky - is a way to improve the likelihood of those uncertain outcomes working out in your favour.

And with these principles in mind, this is where the phrase "I don't know" can start to become exciting, especially when you give yourself the greatest likelihood of the outcome being great.

Curiosity

Whilst our decisions carve the path we tread, it is curiosity that lights the way.

I've been privileged to interview lots of graduates for graduate schemes - first jobs from uni or school. The one thing I always look out for is signs that this person is curious.

For a graduate or any young person coming into a new job or a new scenario, there is no expectation that this person should know how to do the job.

I look for curiosity because those who are curious want to learn and understand things and are likely to dive into things head first to figure them out.

How do you become curious? Isn't it something you either are or not? One piece of practical advice other than being curious about everything, which might be difficult, is to look out for things that pique your interest. When you're doing something and something else catches your attention, train yourself to take note of these things because they may be what you are truly curious and passionate about.

Asking questions 

The image above is pretty straightforward. 

If you realise you don't know something and shrug your shoulders, that's that; the possibilities are limited. 

The possibilities are significantly greater if you realise you don't know something and follow up with questions and curiosity. Who knows what you'll find out or what might come of it?

Questions unlock doors, and this isn't limited to whether they're big existential questions that drive humanity forward or questions we ask ourselves. When you're young and making your way in your career, good questions are just as crucial as having answers.

The video game map 

Imagine diving into a new video game. Initially, you can only access a small portion of the game's map; much is greyed out, marking unexplored territories that present themselves as you explore. It’s tempting and exciting, promising new adventures.

Life, especially in our younger years, mirrors this concept. What we know and have experienced are the "unlocked" areas. Yet, there's a vast uncharted space – filled with places to see and new characters to meet. Just like in the video game, you'll have challenges to overcome.

It's natural to feel apprehension about these unknowns. But remember, every seasoned gamer once started with uncertainty. It's about exploration and the thrill of discovering the unfamiliar.

So, in life's grand game, embrace the 'I don't know' territories. They're the stages where unforgettable adventures await. Without question, they can be a little daunting, but with curiosity and good questions, you're armed to take on whatever comes your way.

Stories

I'll end with a quote from podcaster Chris Williamson. 

"We do not know the things that will happen in the future. We don't even really, truly know ourselves. We don't have a crystal ball to show us what's happening in the outside world or within our bodies. Given the fact that we have to tell ourselves some form of story. Why not pick a story that is going to be beneficial to you?"

What does he mean by story? 

There is so much we don't know. In fact, anything that relates to the future is a guess with no absolute certainty. Therefore, any ideas that we have about the future are made up. 

I have a lot of hope for the future, both on a personal level and more broadly. Still, because I can't possibly know, that is a story I'm telling myself about the future.

So, because we must have a story about the future – why not pick one that will benefit you?