Tuesday's Rule #8

Solomon's Paradox

We’re now on to week 8 of Tuesday's Rule!

Writing something every week has already been very rewarding. A challenge, but it's a habit I’m keen to keep up.

It's also made me think more seriously about the rules. When thinking ahead to future posts, it's a fun reminder of some of the ideas I've collected over the past few years, but also a chance to think about the truly valuable ones. 

I don't like using the word advice, and it's never my intention to give "advice" to others. 

Only to myself. 

In recent weeks, there have been occasions when I've acted in a way that goes against some of the rules I've written about just weeks or days prior. Which feels odd.

How is it possible to know and think about some of these ideas so deeply, sharing them with others but ignoring them completely in my own life?

It turns out this is a well-researched phenomenon.

Humans (not only those who spend a few hours a week writing about it) are great at delivering sound, rational suggestions to others but notoriously bad at delivering those same sound, rational suggestions to themselves.

So today's rule is:

Take Your Own Advice.

This phenomenon is known as "Solomons Paradox".

King Solomon is a figure from biblical history, best known for his wisdom, a gift he received from God in a dream at the beginning of his reign. 

According to the biblical account, Solomon chose wisdom over a long life or wealth, much to the delight of God, who granted him unprecedented wealth and honour in addition to wisdom.

The most well-known demonstration of his wisdom is the judgment of two women who claimed to be the mother of the same child. 

Solomon proposed to divide the living child in two, each woman to receive half. His true intent was to reveal the child's real mother, which he did, as the real mother begged the King to give the living child to the other woman, demonstrating her maternal compassion. 

Very wise indeed… Perhaps a little direct?

But when it came to his own affairs, the wisdom that he was granted from God didn't stop him from making a right royal mess of things.

King Solomon's personal life included hundreds of wives and partners and an absent relationship with his children. He built high places for his wives, which was against the commandments that he, as King, was expected to uphold. This angered God greatly.

His reign, whilst leading to economic prosperity and military strength for Israel, also led to high taxation and forced labour policies that angered his subjects and led to the overall demise of his Kingdom.

In short, King Solomon was great at giving advice to fighting mothers but terrible at taking that same advice giving ability into account in his own life

Evidently, this isn't a challenge limited to those of us living in the 21st Century or those without a direct line to God himself. 

So, what can we do about it?

I've come to appreciate the advice of a writer named Sahil Bloom. He wrote about the idea recently and suggested two strategies to overcome Solomons Paradox.

Firstly, we must create space for ourselves. Second, zoom out.

A major reason we are likely to be good at advising others but not ourselves is that when we talk to others, we can afford to be objective and balanced and provide evidence-based feedback.

When thinking about our own problems, we throw emotion and bias into the mix. 

So, rather than rushing into things, take a breath and create space to think about the proper response and reaction. You likely know what this is; you just need to allow yourself to step away from the emotion of the moment. That’s creating space.

Zooming out is a rule that I want to explore in more depth in its own right, but when it comes to taking your own advice, it has a specific useful application. 

It's not dissimilar to TR #4, but instead of thinking about what your best self would advise, think also about what future you would say. 

If you can't take advice from yourself in the moment, think about what the 80-year-old version of you might suggest. This is a reliable way to understand what's truly important to you on a meaningful time scale.

Maybe King Solomon would have been better served with this approach. Or, perhaps, he simply had too much on his plate. I can't imagine having 100 wives, but it feels as though that would make “creating space” challenging.

Even if you don’t have wisdom imported from God on your side, giving counsel is easy. Taking it is the hard part.

I guess I’ve got some work to do.

But in the meantime, I’ll be back next week with some more unsolicited life advice.

Thanks for reading!